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Yesterday a friend of mine passed away. His name was Ted. He was a good man and he will be missed, but not forgotten. He filled a space in my life that will be hard to fill. I know that people leave and depart, but if they are a special person they leave you with an empty space that, even if you find a way to fill it, will never seem completely the same. I will meet new people. I will make new friends. The space will slowly fill. But the quality of the fill will never be the same. That was his gift. He was a person who filled the empty spaces with warmth and friendship that would not leave.

Some people, even when they are gone, still fill you up when they are not there. Like family. That does not mean your life is full at all times. It means that for the balance of your life you have managed to mostly keep the empty spaces filled. Ted was one of those rare people who filled a little part of everyone’s life he came into contact with.

I did not really meet Ted. It was more of an inheritance. He and his wife were friends with my wife before I was in the picture. They were there when she needed them most, and they helped fill the empty space in her when she needed it most. I think one of the major steps in our courtship was getting their approval. It was not a difficult test. We hit it off, and soon they were filling the empty spaces for me too.

I needed it more than I let on at the time. I had come all the way from the west coast to the east coast to be with my wife, and I left my family and most of my friends behind. Ted sensed that right off the bat. He started the work of filling the empty space without ever making it look like work. It was not easy on his end either. I worked from five in the morning to seven at night, and with a new wife and family I had little time to invest. But Ted would show up at family events and parties, and invite us to his, and soon the spaces were full. We started looking forward to the dinners and the conversations. He was a great listener. Even when I am sure we did not agree on something, he never made you uncomfortable. That is a skill, and when you do it well you fill more space. And the thing is, I was not the only one. He did this for many people. I was just one of them. He had room for many, and he always had more to give.

It was never one thing. It was the accumulation of all the little things, and that is why he became family. A lot of people say that word, but when I think on it now, what I really mean is the quality of the filler. You never had to worry about Ted judging you. If he did, it was not the uncomfortable way some people do. He had the kind of life experience that let him just be there.

That is the part I have been thinking about since yesterday. Most people cannot just be there. I have had plenty of associations in my life with people who filled a little part of the space, but when they got new jobs or moved on, the filler went with them. Nice people, just not good filler. Work does the same thing. Keeping busy does the same thing. None of it is what Ted did. Ted filled space in a way that did not leave when he left the room. I did not know that while he was alive. I am only seeing the size of it now.

Thank you, Ted, for all you provided, and for the lesson you taught me.